Another Unit 1 Project Workshop

Organizational Assessment

1. In what order does the author present his or her supporting evidence (e.g. chronological, process order, cause-and-effect, etc.)? Is this the most appropriate order given the audience's level of understanding? Suggest at least one alternative way in which the essay might be organized.

2. Is there a sense of balance to my essay? Do I spend too long on any single point, or do I seem to rush through important parts? Does any section feel either redundant or underdeveloped?

3. Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence? Does each topic sentence relate clearly back to the thesis? Does each paragraph deal with one idea and one idea only? Point out any points in the essay at which the paragraphing seems weak or confusing.

4. Does the essay have transitions that move the reader clearly from idea to the next? Does the writer make the relationship between the ideas clear with words that emphasize the essay's organization scheme (e.g. time-related words of the essay is organized chronologically, etc.)?

5. Does each paragraph fully explain its main idea? Do any paragraphs feel thin or under-developed? Point them out.

Assessment

If you did not identify any major conceptual or organization issues in your answers to the above questions, let the author know that s/he can move on to Part 2. If you did identify any issues, explain as clearly and specifically as possible what you think the author needs to do in order to get this draft to the "surface-level concerns" stage. Try to format these instructions as a plan, e.g. "Your road map doesn't match the organization of the essay as a whole. Once you make those match by revising your thesis statements or re-ordering your paragraphs, you should look at paragraphs 3 and 5 because they each seem to deal with several ideas rather than one."

Part 2

1. All of your drafts are probably aiming for a middle style. Go through your partner's draft and highlight any words, sentences, or passages in which you think the essay deviates from a middle style (either by being too formal or too informal). If you have time, suggest ways in which the author might revise these sections in order to achieve a more appropriate tone for the assignment.

2. Since writing in the middle style is targeted at a fairly wide audience, unfamiliar terms and concepts need to be defined. Examine the essay and point out any terms that aren't defined that probably should be. For the terms that are defined, are these definitions clear and concise? Does the reader understand everything s/he needs to in order to understand the author's point?

3. Another aspect of the middle style is that it employs concrete nouns (rather than abstract nouns) and action verbs (rather than "to be" verbs). In general, does this essay feel concrete (that is, grounded in things you can see and touch) or abstract (that is, in the world of ideas) to you? Do you think the essay's level of abstraction is appropriate given the audience and the topic? Point out any specific passages in which you think the paper gets too abstract. If you have trouble locating these passages, try searching for "to be" verbs; they often cluster around these types of passages.

4. Did you notice any examples of contentious terms or insensitive language in the draft? If so, point them out and suggest how the writer might replace this with more sensitive language.

Draft Workshop #2 for Unit 1 Project

Trade papers with someone in your group other than the person who read your draft earlier in the class period. For your partner’s draft, write at least one substantial paragraph explaining whether you think the author’s priority, at this point in the composition process, should be conceptual concerns, organizational concerns, or surface-level concerns. Support your claim with evidence from the author’s draft, and point toward specific revisions that the author needs to make before moving on to the next level of concerns.

Draft Workshop: Unit 1 Project

1. Does the thesis statement accomplish all three things that, according to our lessons, a thesis statement should accomplish? Briefly summarize how the thesis statement makes a substantial claim about the essay's topic, lays out a roadmap for the rest of the essay and explains why the audience should care about the topic.

2. What kinds of evidence does the author cite in support of his or her claim? Is this evidence compelling? Is it enough to make you believe the claim put forth in the thesis statement? Why or why not?

3. What kinds of appeals does the author make to his or her audience (e.g. logical, emotional, ethical)? Are these appeals appropriate or convincing for the blog / essay's audience? Why or why not? Could the author effectively employ any other types of appeals?

4. Briefly describe the general tone of the essay. Does the author's tone come off as credible given the topic and the paper's audience? Has the author established a solid, reliable persona? Explain your answer.

Activity: Paragraphing

Together with your group, examine each paragraph in the model draft for its relationship to the thesis, unity, coherence, and adequate development of the paragraph's main idea.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SZPW1o-bYdWHdyHpXWBjEvzXmZmGo4zItDrrpdvSzU8/edit?hl=en_US

Create a new Google Doc in which you explain briefly how each paragraph might be improved. You can be as brief as possible, but more complex problems might require a bit more explanation. Each group need only create one document.